Sitting on the porch of a beautiful remote country farm home, looking over paddocks to the Murray River, John starts his story by sharing, “The hardest part for me is watching other people and wanting to get in and help out. I’ve never been a person to sit and do nothing”.
John has been a dairy and cattle farmer his whole life, firstly in The Mallee before moving to his lovely farm on the Murray River about an hour out of Adelaide – where he has been for more than 20 years. And, as a farmer, John has always been used to doing everything on his property himself.
It’s been just over 12 months since the car accident that caused John’s traumatic brain injury (TBI), when the car he was travelling in with his wife was hit by a truck – the circumstances as to what led to the accident is still unclear today. John does not have a lot of memories of his activities that day, or for several weeks before it, but recalls some memories just prior to the accident and early parts of his hospital stay.
“I was flown to the Royal Adelaide Hospital (RAH) by helicopter but was pretty out to it for the 5 days I was in the hospital before I was moved from the RAH to a rehabilitation hospital- travelling there by taxi with the help of one of my sons.
“My memories are a little vague from this early time in rehab, but I do remember not being able to walk or even to shower myself. I had walkers and frames and other equipment I had to use to get around.
“My wife Glenda was also hurt in the accident and had a broken leg and was home by herself. I was really worried about her and could get very emotional about it all – which I did try to hide from other people. I was eager to get home to her.”
After some time in rehab, John was told he was able to have a trip home for 48hours provided he could get his faint spells under control. Visiting home made the world of difference to how he was feeling, and this led to early conversations of being discharged from the rehab hospital, on the proviso that there would be home rehabilitation support to help him. This was an initial hurdle for John, but one he did come to terms with.
“The biggest concern for my discharge was that I never wanted help, because I had never had it in the past so didn’t want help now. I can understand now that I do need help. This injury is a lot more serious than my earlier finger or eye injuries. Though I do prefer to do things myself, I am accepting of the help”.
A team of support was enlisted around John, and he commenced regular therapy from his home – favouring the outdoors for the visits and spending most of the days in the garden. About his early rehab days he says “I was lucky to even be able to pick up a cup of coffee or hold a broom handle, but I’ve been improving every day and even progressed to lifting weights now.”
“It has been what feels like a long journey so far, but I am grateful for all the rehab I have done in this time as it has got me to where I am so far. I can now even do my own lawn edging – even if it takes longer than it used to.”
John reiterates several times that it’s not that he can’t do things around the farm himself, but it’s the risk of a fall or a further injury and the consequences of that that has allowed him to realise that he needs to let some things go and accept help. This has been a massive learning curve for him. He shares an example of having someone come to fix the roof – a task he would usually have a crack at himself, but the risk and consequences of falling and injuring himself further is what prevents him from getting up on the ladder, and not the fact that he can’t physically or knowledgeably do the job himself.
John explains that a big help to understanding this perspective was not just being told ‘no you can’t do something’, but rather having a frank conversation about ‘the reasons why we recommend you don’t do this’. Language and communication has played an important part in helping him come to terms with changes in his life after brain injury, and for him to be able to be accepting of help from others.
It is important to John to keep active – either out for walks or in his shed, which has been an immense help to get his mind off of things and regulate emotions. He is also learning to rest and take his time to do tasks that are safe to do.
To keep active, John enjoys regular walks to the river, which are never alone, with his faithful Golden Labrador in tow on every outing – who is also never very far from John’s side most of the time at home. “My golden lab Chang has been the best thing, he has been a life saver. He just puts his head on my lap to calm me when he knows I need it. He is always by my side.”
Aside from the impacts to John’s balance, memory, and emotions, as well as some ongoing physical limitations and reduction in his remaining vision, isolation has been something that has had a real impact after his TBI.
“It’s been hard. I don’t want to go anywhere; I’d rather stay home. I should get out to socialise but don’t want to leave the house.
“I try to walk to the river and back several times a week, through the back road rather than the main road due to my eyesight and recommendations from my therapy team that this was the safest option, but some of the isolation though, has stemmed from this. I’m no longer getting the incidental socialisation of the town when walking through it, as I don’t tend to see anyone on my trip to the river and back.”
What’s been great for John in reducing this isolation is that the other farmers in the area have really rallied around him, taking him for drives to enjoy the paddocks, or a walk in the fields. It has also led to a reconnection with an old friend – who was his best man at his wedding to Glenda – from The Mallee, with regular weekly phone catch ups.
Another big part of John’s social life was the CFS, where he was as active member of for 25 years. Since the accident John has resigned from active truck duties as he says he “doesn’t want to jeopardise anyone”, but was welcomed as part of the air ops team, where he can sit alongside the pump and boost the throttle etc. CFS has been a big part of his life as a farmer in a small community, and he says it has been good to be involved again in some capacity and connect with others by doing this.
Something John is looking forward to is being a part of an upcoming communication group that will be with others in a similar situation with similar lives to him. He says “I’m looking forward to coming to the city and meeting other farmers and talking with them about what we’ve been through. Knowing others will help; and bring some socialisation to my life.”
John says that he is learning to sit back and look over to the river and across parts of his old farm to admire what has been achieved in his lifetime. He can use his knowledge learnt across the years to help his sons in their farm lives, by taking on more of a mentor role. Though John is not getting in and physically helping them with the work on their farms, he is able to help them problem solve, and come up with ideas and solutions to the things they are working on.
He is also looking forward to some future projects he wants to do around his property, including the building of a big shed to bring people together and converting a part of the garden into a massive veggie crop made from old rainwater tanks. He has already had family and several people from the community around him offer to volunteer their time to help bring these projects to life when he is ready to.
Asking John what motivated him to share his story, he said “I was as keen as mustard to do this when I heard about it, and really appreciate the opportunity to share my experiences. I hope that by sharing, it can help someone else and make a difference in their own journey, knowing that someone else has gone through what they are going through too.”